UK Government Pings Idiot-Phone Users: 'There Be Dragons!'

I mean, come on. Are we that stupid? Ditch your ‘smart’ phone guys, or at least disable government alerts which are automatically set to opt-in for the gormless and the dim-witted. The UK government plans to test its nationwide ‘emergency’ alert system on the 23rd April, St George’s Day.

The Daily Snail is up in arms on behalf of those who will be unnecessarily alarmed. Er, yeah, I think that’s the general idea guys: mass panic, alarm, a heightened sense of ‘crisis’, you know, that kind of thing.

Spiked Online is dubious of the benefits of such a system. Genius intuitive thinking guys.

So why St. George’s Day? Isn’t it obvious? The government wishes to warn everyone that there could well be dragons about! No doubt it will occur to idiot-phone users that there will also be a shortage of St. Georges to see the pesky beasts off. They might be the sky-dragons of climate change. After all, on St. George’s Day, after the stuttering and brief start to Spring (happening now), winter returns with a vengeance. Don’t go out. You might get nipped by Jack Frost or assaulted by a fire-breathing beast who’s just not in the mood to incinerate you that day - you’ll have to wait for a summer ‘heatwave’ for that.

If you’ve only got an ancient 2G Nokia like me, you probably won’t receive an alert:

https://www.gov.uk/alerts

Translation “Ve haf ozzer vays of scaring ze pants off you”.