Canadian Government Recommends Euthanasia For Santa: US Government Advises 'Avoid Russia As Too White, Too Male And Too Heterosexual For Prisoner Exchange'

It’s not exactly the Season of Joy and Goodwill to All Mankind for Santa Claus this year. He’s getting on a bit, it must be said and, spending much of his time in the Canadian High Arctic, the weather has been playing havoc with his arthritis, so he applied to the Canadian government for disability improvements to his sleigh. They replied offering him medical assistance in dying (MAID).

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he also received a communication from the White House strongly advising him not to deliver presents to Russian children this year just in case he was arrested and imprisoned on trumped up spying charges or drug smuggling charges. The classified communiqué (leaked by Elves) informs Santa that he is too white, too male and too heterosexual to ever be considered for a prisoner exchange if he does get locked up by Putin’s mob.

It’s just fortunate that he has a reindeer driven sleigh otherwise British kids would not be getting their presents this year either because of strikes by the Postal Workers and RMT unions.